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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26552716">No Bark, All Bite</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/princey_pie/pseuds/princey_pie'>princey_pie</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Bad Things Happen Bingo - Pie Chart [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Sanders Sides (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, Angst, Fever, Humor, M/M, Marriage, Minor Violence, Needles, Swearing, Truth Serum, Unrequited Love</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 08:29:19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,205</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26552716</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/princey_pie/pseuds/princey_pie</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>For a man with so many secrets, maybe Roman should be a bit more mindful of which villains he's pissing off. But, well, too late for that now.</p>
<p>(Part of the Bad Things Happen Bingo Card - Truth Serum Prompt)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Analogical - Relationship, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders, Prinxiety, Roceit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Bad Things Happen Bingo - Pie Chart [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1930993</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>68</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Bad Things Happen Bingo, TSS Fanworks Collective</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>No Bark, All Bite</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Roman stood at the altar, clutching the ring in his hands. He tried to wipe them off at his suit jacket unobtrusively but the cheap fabric refused to soak up the fluid. Hero work didn't pay as well as one would think. Still, the occasion didn't care for the wellbeing of his wallet. The great day had dawned and Roman was here, at the wedding.</p>
<p>All he had to do was to wait for his best friend and crush of twelve years to walk down the aisle. And then ideally not throw the ring halfway across the room before it reached its designated place on Virgil's finger. Simple, most would say. But nothing in Roman's life had ever been that easy.</p>
<p>Roman glared at the best man on the other side of the altar. Janus was sending back a relaxed smirk. Roman gritted his teeth at the sheer sight.</p>
<p>It had only been a few weeks when he saw it last.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Roman had woken up after what should have been just another job, tied to an uncomfortable metal chair. Very cliché, but Roman had long since learned to not hold others to the same creative standards as he did with himself. Still, Roman couldn't help but be disappointed with his newest nemesis as he strolled into the light. He rolled his eyes - the dimly lit concrete room, the faintly swinging lightbulb over his head and the ridiculous (although admittedly pretty) snake scales on the venetian carnival mask Deceit wore to hide his identity. It was ridiculous.</p>
<p>"Feeling entertained, little prince?" The voice as smooth as silk washed over him, but Roman was already running late for game night, and even losing to Logan in monopoly would be more interesting than this. He was also pretty sure that Logan was keeping tabs just to spite him. Roman didn't want to give him the satisfaction of adding another tally to his list.</p>
<p>"Not particularly, snake. The 90's mafia meets preschool magician aesthetic you got going on here is so last century."</p>
<p>Deceit began to circle him slowly. "You got a quick tongue, don't you? Always a bold snark, some witticism ready to inflict on the world and wreak havoc?"</p>
<p>"More like protecting people."</p>
<p>"Oh, keep telling yourself that. Since it's such an important part of the hero charade you're playing. But-"</p>
<p>Roman groaned with a look at his watch. Deceit stopped, managing to look offended even behind his mask. "Am I keeping you from something?"</p>
<p>"No, by all means, keep going and unfold all details of your evil plan. I'm sure they're oh-so intriguing. But since I have plans in a bit, and you know, a <em> life </em>, unlike some people present, could we speed this up a bit?"</p>
<p>Deceit's mismatched eyes darkened behind the artificial scales. "Fine, your highness, the short version then. You're lying to the city, not to mention yourself. You might have crossed my plans to tamper the city's water supply, electricity system and also very rudely interrupted my national TV broadcast, but now it's time you're addressing your own issues."</p>
<p>There was a pinch at his neck and Deceit stepped back Roman could see the now empty syringe. He was starting to get a bad feeling about this, especially as his whole body grew overbearingly warm and he could feel sweat start to gather on his brows. So he did what he was best at. Roman overplayed it with humor.</p>
<p>"Are you going to transform me into your pet snake now?" Middle school Virgil would have been proud of the dripping sarcasm in his voice.</p>
<p>"If you have to know, I just injected you with a truth serum. My own mix, actually," Deceit added and bared his snake fangs. </p>
<p>Roman was feeling far too hot for this, in every sense of the word. His lips curled in disgust before he could stomp the reaction down. "Ew, I don't want your drool in me," his mouth spoke without permission. Roman shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts past the fog he normally only got from one too many shots of tequila. It did nothing except make him dizzy.</p>
<p>Deceit ignored him entirely and stored the syringe away. Then he started to undo the ropes, loosening the bonds around his ankles.</p>
<p>Roman tried to brace himself to fight, but he felt more like slumping into the chair with his newly jellified limbs. "My tongue feels weird, like a sponge. If sponges would taste like blueberry disguised as soap. Are you really going to drag me to your lair with a blueberry soap sponge tongue? Like, why? In case you didn't notice, snake, I don't exactly have a secret identity."</p>
<p>Deceit hummed as he pulled on the knots around his wrists. "If you did, maybe you wouldn't be here today."</p>
<p>Roman frowned. "An honest man needs no mask."</p>
<p>"And that's the dumbest thing I've heard all week. Secret identities are there for a reason, for example, to make it harder for your enemy to figure out where you live."</p>
<p>"Aw, you want to send me fan mail?"</p>
<p>"In a way. I thought more of giving you a taste of your own medicine but call it what you want. You exposed my secrets, now I'll return the favor. The difference that I have the decency to not humiliate you on public TV while doing so. But thanks to my venom, you'll be honest to yourself once. So have fun with that, I guess."</p>
<p>The last of the rope fell away and Roman at least planned to spring forward and hope that his heavy, unstable legs would carry him. But he didn’t get the chance, as something heavy collided with the back of his head. </p>
<p>Roman woke up to the annoyingly shrill sound of his own doorbell. Which was not ideal with the killer headache he felt and the fever still tormenting his body. Venom fever, he then remembered, right. Virgil was bent over him, voice loud and worried which was worse than not ideal. Still Roman was happy to see him. Judging from his expression, Virgil didn't feel the same joy as he did. Roman tried to grin but quickly stopped when it pulled on his head wound, pain flaring through his head and making him wince instead.</p>
<p>"You can stop screaming my name, Scaryson Ford, I have a headache."</p>
<p>"Yeah, I fucking bet you have. You're bleeding, you jackass. So excuse me, if I get a bit loud calling your name when I find you <em> unconscious on your doorstep. </em>"</p>
<p>He had to use the wall to get himself upright, and even then he only managed with Virgil's help. Roman found himself being dragged and pushed into the house, his best friend of twenty years not stopping until he laid down on the couch. No doubt still worried, ever the mother hen, Virgil leaned over and pressed a hand to Roman’s forehead.</p>
<p>"Shit, he's burning up."</p>
<p>Roman would be a bit concerned about who else was witnessing his weakness, but since Virgil's hands were cool and it was, well, <em> Virgil, </em> he was busy fighting the urge to lean into the touch like a contented cat. </p>
<p>Opening his eyes was a mistake. Because as he did, Virgil was hovering over him with his dark chocolate brown eyes. The light hit them just right, and Roman could clearly see the golden sprinkles in the iris. "Midafternoon light really brings out your eyes, ya know that, Vee? You're really pretty and shit now you're looking at me weirdly, what did I say? Maybe I should stop talking but everything is really warm and I really need you to know that you have soft hands. Which is a weird thing to say but still-"</p>
<p>Roman cut himself off just to better hear Virgil cursing under his breath. He really had no business having a voice this deep when spitting out nothing but obscenities.</p>
<p>"Ok, Roman, focus."</p>
<p>Roman dragged his eyes back to the other's face, an objectively pretty face with the high jaw and-</p>
<p>"What did they give you? I need to know whether to call an ambulance or to get you in bed to sleep this off."</p>
<p>Roman wriggled his eyebrows. "Get me into bed, yeah? Not that I would object, but we probably should talk first, I’ve been meaning to tell you something for ages and-"</p>
<p>"Roman, for real, I can't slap you in this state. Answer me, ambulance, yes or no?"</p>
<p>"Nah, I'm fine. I will be once I tell you. You know purple's really your color and-"</p>
<p>A second shadow bent over him and Roman shut up. As he recognized the figure, his mood soured instantly. "Oh, of course, you're here, party police. Can't get five minutes without you hovering in the back."</p>
<p>Logan blinked down at him. "I'll chalk that statement up to your intoxicated state. It would be beneficial if you could tell us who drugged you and what exactly they used."</p>
<p>Roman felt the rest of the airy, floating heat sink into something sour and bitter in the bottom of his stomach. "Why does it matter?" he pressed out because no, he didn't want to tell <em> Logan </em> of all people about his hero work, or anything really.</p>
<p>Logan opened his mouth to argue but was gently ushered out of the room by Virgil. Then Virgil kneeled next to the couch so that he was face level with Roman, rather than towering over him. "Ok, Ro, talk to me. You're not like this, not even piss-drunk. What's wrong?"</p>
<p>Roman shook his head vehemently, biting his lip. The words were on his tongue, ready to spill everything he managed to hold in for over a decade. And the urge was there, to just let the truth fall out, damn the consequences, which would be a phenomenally bad idea. With every passing second of silence Roman felt more and more pressure on his throat, the heat growing to an unbearable amount, and the room was once more spinning. At that moment Roman realized he was going to lose the fight against that damn snake's venom but Roman would be damned if it wouldn't happen later than sooner.</p>
<p>Then Virgil took his hands into his own and Roman, far too gay for this, was consumed by the feeling. Which was a shitty thing to think about your best friend.</p>
<p>Worst of all, the distraction was enough for Roman to crack, and a crack in his control was all the venom needed. "Why the ever loving tooth fairy are your hands so soft? You're a grumpy little emo gremlin, you have lost your soft hand privilege. It's not fair, I moisturize every 4 hours."</p>
<p>Virgil chuckled and Roman could have died happily with that sound as the last thing he heard. Still, the worry returned quickly and Roman would not stand for it.</p>
<p>"Virgil?" Logan stepped back into the living room with a tall glass of water in his hands. "Poison control said to make him drink a lot to flush whatever it is out of his system and keep the fever down."</p>
<p>"Thanks, Lo," with a soft gaze Virgil took the glass from the other. Roman felt bile rising in his throat at the sight. And with it rose his temper.</p>
<p>"Why are you there every single time I turn around?! Can't you let us have one private conversation for once in your life?!"</p>
<p>Logan's posture stiffened. "I assure you, I didn't mean to intrude. It's perfectly natural that I'm worried about my and my finacé's best friend."</p>
<p>Roman let out a frustrated groan, staggering to unsteady feet despite Virgil's protests. "Would it kill you to show emotion like a normal human being for once in your life?! Vee, I don't understand how you can stand him. I know you! You're grey smoke against the sunset behind some unknown skyline and coffee stains on the couch after a movie marathon and a sprint to the 24/7 down the road to get Doritos at 3 am. Not a bedtime at 10pm, old math books, and monochrome rules. Do you seriously think you can be happy with him for the rest of your life?"</p>
<p>"That's not for you to decide, Roman." Virgil was eerily calm. "Gosh, what has gotten into you?"</p>
<p>"What's gotten-? What's gotten into me is the way you call me that, or any of those thousand nicknames, all the teasing, how you hold my hands and smile and then you turn around and go back to <em> him </em>. It's not fair." Roman shook his head, not caring for the angry tears streaming down his face. And the venom in his veins wasn't done throwing twelve years of secret longing and jealousy into the bin. It was still digging his grave deeper. "It was supposed to be me."</p>
<p>Virgil has turned as pale as a sheet. "Roman, stop-"</p>
<p>"No! I love you. I have only been too stupid to realize until it was too late." The urge to talk was gone and all steam left Roman at once. He sagged back onto the couch. They could distantly hear the traffic outside but inside the room it was quiet.</p>
<p>Then Virgil exhaled deeply. "How long-" He made a vague gesture.</p>
<p>"Have I been in love with you?" Roman avoided his gaze but he could see how Virgil flinched at the word. He felt as if his stomach was gnawing at his heart from the inside. He expected this, but the reality was so much worse. But now he might as well let it all out. Burn the bridge properly. "Since we were seventeen. I realized the night in Prague on the school trip."</p>
<p>"Twelve years, fuck, Ro, I-" Virgil shook his head- "Roman, I love Logan, fuck we're engaged. I know you're drugged and not in your right mind, cause why else would you think this was a good idea to bring up now? The wedding's barely a month away. What did you expect?"</p>
<p>Roman slowly stood, finding the carpet still incredibly interesting. "Look, I'm sorry, I'll just- go, I'll go, yeah. Probably best to sleep off the effects elsewhere and we'll just pretend I never showed up here tonight." Quickly he made his way to the door.</p>
<p>"Roman, wait," Virgil's voice stopped him dead in his tracks, the stupid heart of his fluttering with hope despite everything, "We need to to talk about this. And you can't walk around in this state."</p>
<p>And that's what it always came to, didn't it? Roman's inability to do anything. "I think we’ve talked enough already." Roman was out the door before the last shred of his dignity could be crushed under the heels of the couple.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Roman spent the weeks until the wedding in a daze. He chased after every villain in the city, but never found the one he was looking for. Even if it wasn't the bastard that ruined his life, beating the crap out of a few wannabe bank robbers was satisfying. Even if it meant that he showed up to the wedding with a few bruises of his own. He still showed up, even when it was just in the position of Virgil's best man. He wasn't going to ruin his wedding, he’d sabotaged their relationship enough as things were.</p>
<p>Not ruining the wedding unfortunately also included not leaping across the altar to punch Logan's best man in the face. Because this day wasn't bad enough as it was, apparently Logan's college friend was no one else than Deceit himself. He'd recognized that cocky smirk anywhere. Roman spent the reception starring holes into his nemesis’ grinning face, mismatched eyes mocking him with their playful sparkle.</p>
<p>Finally, the ceremony was over and Roman only needed to put his acting skills to use for a few more seconds as the freshly baked married couple exchanged their kiss. Then he saw Janus moving for the back door, cigarette already in hand. Roman gladly used the opportunity for an excuse to flee the room.</p>
<p>He had absolutely no desire to talk to Logan, or worse, Virgil. He had managed to avoid them mostly, or at least only to be caught by them in public. The occasion when Virgil returned his key to Roman's flat still had been bad enough. But now that they weren't distracted by the wedding preparations anymore, avoiding them would become a lot harder as soon as they returned from their honeymoon. Roman shook himself, trying to shake the scalding hot nausea that had settled in his stomach. It didn't help, but to be fair, it never had in all these years. Roman just got better at ignoring it. Now, it was back with a vengeance.</p>
<p>He stepped outside into the brisk early evening air and shuddered. Janus stood nearby, the rest of the evening sun and the glow of the cigarette illuminated his mismatching eyes.</p>
<p>"Enjoyed the ceremony, your highness?"</p>
<p>Roman didn't think, he just moved forward. The next thing he knew was that the cigarette had fallen onto the concrete and Janus was clutching his bruised jaw.</p>
<p>"Ow," he said, sounding more impressed than anything else. "Must have been some entertaining truths you had to spill."</p>
<p>"Fuck you," Roman hissed. He couldn't even enjoy it when the other's face twisted from amusement to something more somber.</p>
<p>"I managed to keep everything perfectly fine for twelve <em> fucking </em>years and you just come and destroy my life in one night. So if you think that I won't be spending the rest of it making yours a living hell, then-"</p>
<p>"Wait, you're actually upset? Shit, what did you tell them?"</p>
<p>"That's none of your business, snake."</p>
<p>Janus raised his free hand in a peace gesture. "Ok, fair. Look, we're practically even now, but I'm still sorry. I didn't mean to cause actual damage."</p>
<p>Roman snorted. "Oh yeah, sure, because a villain makes for such a good caretaker."</p>
<p>"Woah, ok, ok. Look it's a job, alright? You get paid to save the day, I get sponsored to fuck shit up. Mostly rivals of some company which is incredibly satisfying since they're all capitalist pigs. So don't hold your nose too high."</p>
<p>This was so not Roman's day. He even felt sorry for hurting his nemesis' feelings. "I need a drink," he muttered, running a hand through his hair.</p>
<p>Janus seriously nodded. "First round's on me. See it as a peace offering if you like."</p>
<p>Roman sighed. But he could think of a worse drinking partner than the admittedly handsome and maybe not so evil villain (fuck, again) with the smooth voice. "Make it two and we have a deal. But I prefer my drink not poisoned."</p>
<p>Roman could swear that Janus' mouth twitched into a smirk although it was hard to tell in the low light. But the other's voice had a teasing undertone when he next spoke. "I won't guarantee anything."</p>
<p>Was his sworn enemy flirting with him? Oh dear, that was definitely flirting. Roman fought a vigorous blush, again to no avail, and yes, now Janus was definitely smiling. To his surprise, Roman found it far less unnerving, almost endearing, than he did only a half an hour ago. Maybe this day could be saved after all.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you so much for reading!</p>
<p>Also so many thank yous and love to my lovely beta analogueassassin! You're a lifesaver</p></blockquote></div></div>
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